creative deprivation

Dudley Dursley - the ultimate overindulged child!

We have some friends that shot this idea my way and I wanted to pass it along because I'm a big fan. The following is from a section of Amy Dacyczyn's The Tightwad Gazette where she discusses the concept of

creative deprivation:

As a result of all this stuff and stimulation, kids regard overload as a normal condition. Anything less - a walk in the woods, making cookies, or sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher - is boring. In contrast, using a concept I call "creative deprivation" is, in my view, a healthier way to raise children. The idea behind creative deprivation is that every event should have space around it, so that the event can stand out and be appreciated....Until this century, the space occurred naturally. Entertainment and material goods were hard to come by, so they were appreciated when they came along. A child cherished his few toys, and music was a special event, because it could only be heard when musicians were assembled. The challenge of modern life is that we have to actively create the space....That's why the best parents understand that their kids can have too much of a good thing. They place limitations on the stuff and stimulation. They are tough enough to slow down the flow of goodies. We're working on this idea with Molly already. I try to carve out lots of time during the week for amusing ourselves at home. In terms of material possessions, I like the idea I've heard of limiting Christmas presents to three gifts - three were enough for baby Jesus, after all, and they're not too many that kids get overwhelmed (as one nephew did this year when he lost interest in opening presents after the first half dozen or so).

Alter Ego

My husband and I both have alter egos on occasion. Most of the time we are ourselves, but when we go home to visit our empty nesting parents, we become strangers to each other. Neither of us fell in love with these strangers, so sometimes trips can get a little rough and patience wears thin. These alter egos show themselves so consistently on visits "back home," that we even have names for these ill-mannered, selfish personalities: Brittney and Kevin.

Brittney's visits to Salt Lake go something like this...

She walks in the door, kicks off her shoes, and drops all bags at the door (at least the bags she carried in - mom can help her unload the rest of the car later). She mutters some hellos while heading straight for the fridge for inventory. After she checks the fridge, she checks the secret candy stash (the location has changed since living at home - maybe that's a hint to stay out) and then onto the pantry. She is making mental notes as to what food she'll be sure to sample during her stay, and which "groceries" she will be taking home with her as souvenirs. As soon as Brittney walks through the front door she forgets that she's in charge of her children. In fact, she feels so much like a child again that she sees her kids as competition for mom's attention. As soon as she's rattled off some generic instructions to the free babysitter (thanks mom!) she heads out solo for a shop-a-thon. Brittney phones home every few hours as a gesture, perfectly aware that she has no intentions of heading back home until absolutely necessary. Throughout the trip the world revolves around Brittney. She's louder than usual, and interrupts other's conversation to talk about herself. Brittney has no social manners, but may mention a quick thanks and goodbye as she is stashing her vehicle with goodies and other things she convinced mom she can't live without.

Kevin's visits home are sort of similiar...

His first stop: the fridge! No bags to drop at the door. Why pack in bags when it will only slow his progress to the fridge? Kevin isn't married and doesn't have kids, so like Brittney, he sees the rest of us as competition...mostly for food. Are all mothers a sucker for manipulation? Somehow Kevin can make his mom feel guilty for something from his childhood and before you know it, she is pulling out a turkey and cooking a feast that would usually be produced only for a major holiday. So many things to do in so little time - Kevin is up early working on the farm, up late reminising, making one more stab at leftovers before bed. With a schedule so packed it's hard to fit in a shower, a shave, toothbrushing, or deoderant. Kevin doesn't smell so good after a few days. Kevin forgets he shares a bed on visits back home. He takes up so much of the bed that his wife usually ends up dragging another mattress into the room and sleeping on the floor. It's all good for her though- remember, Kevin doesn't do hygeine.

What is it about visiting home that brings out the self-centered teenager back out of us? That selfish person must still be somewhere inside of us, coaxed out when it finds a familiar setting.

No wonder there is a saying amongst empty nesters that goes something like "good to see the kids come home, even better to see them go."

2008: Wasn't it great?

Welcome to any new visitors via the Christmas Card email -

Leave me a comment and let me know what you've been up to!

As I look back on the year’s highlights it seems like there was my routine pre-third child, and my lack of routine since the baby arrived. I make excuses to myself like “I’m trying not to sweat the small stuff,” or “ I’m just enjoying the baby while he’s little.” With all this said, I didn't get my Christmas cards out this year! I should have known I would regret my lack of organization. With each card I receive in the mail, the guilt sets in. I hope you haven't felt forgotten. I did complete this little blurb for a family newsletter and wanted to share our year in review for any of you that are interested.

please note - because this blog is public and available to anyone's eyes, I try to stay very vague on names and locations :)

Currently the "man of the house" finds himself very happy as the assistant coach for our school's varsity boys basketball team. He's still employed full time in the dairy industry, but squeezes coaching into his free time because he has always wanted to give it a try. The team loves his enthusiasm and is getting more used to his contact style of coaching (most coaches don’t knock the wind out of their players with an enthusiastic pat on the back). Our school is in the 2A division (about 350 kids in the school) and it's fun to see the support the community gives the team. Before basketball started, Mr. K spent his free time tying up loose ends on the house construction and attacking the yard. Most Saturdays were spent on some sort of project outdoors. Our house now looks like a home, well worth all his work. As a dad and husband, Mr> K keeps us on our toes. At the end of dinner he often tosses things (butter, salt, milk jug, etc) from the table to the fridge (where I stand as receiver). Where’s the fun in clearing the table the conventional way? We’ve had just a few messes to clean up and only after the kids tried mimicking dad’s “toss-a-roosky” game. Mr. K also enjoyed adding animals to our place – especially his horse. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him as happy as the weekend this fall when he went horseback riding in Yellowstone.

With a few months under my belt as a mother of three, I’m experiencing a rearrangement of priorities – need to be done vs. not so important anymore. Kids grow too fast and I want to try to enjoy the moments more. I love being home with the kids and feel like I’m learning more from them than they are from me. I’ve found tremendous enjoyment in my year’s creative outlets outside of motherhood – the garden, the animals, working on house projects with "the man", and wasting hours online writing on this blog. It’s also been rewarding to be outside - collecting eggs, throwing hay bales around, or moving sprinkler pipe (a few of the many farm chores). Pulling weeds isn’t so bad either. It’s great therapy when I’m feeling ornery. I’m not sure if it’s the work I like or the fact that our little farm is my dream coming true. I owe Mr. K thanks for all his support as I pursue these hair brained dreams of mine, like the goats and exotic birds, for example. We now have three goats that I hope to start milking in the spring and one guinea fowl that the kids refer to as “the weird bird.” (see older blog posts for photos) A sweet highlight for the year was a trip to Mexico - my first glimpse at life south of the border. I fell in love with the people, the language, and the culture (outside the tourist areas). I even got to practice some Spanish when I got home - we gave tours (English and Spanish) for the openhouse of a new LDS temple. Oh, one other change this year - the birth of our third child meant the retirement of our sedan car. Yes, I drive a mini-van now, and all the emotions associated with this sent me into a mini-mid-life crisis. Thirty is around the corner, and I swore I’d never get to this point so soon.

Our kids’ strong personalities make for violent sibling fights, but thankfully it also produces fierce loyalty for each other. Our 2 year old son's personality has really blossomed this past year – he has quite a sense of humor, seems to have a knack for finding mischief, and knows just what buttons to push to get his sister's reaction. His blanket has been cut into four pieces in hopes that the friendship will eventually dissolve, but with no luck so far. He pulls on his boots and follows us outside to do chores, toting travel-sized blankey with him. Our 4 year old, independent daughter surprised us when baby boy was born. We didn’t expect that she would be too interested in a baby, but has showed mothering instincts and really stepped up to take on extra responsibilities. She feels proud to look after her brothers and is the rule enforcer/cop of the bunch. She is perceptive, curious, and likes to learn, taking it upon herself to inform the rest of us when we are wrong. Baby boy joined us in September and has brought a lot of happiness with his smiley face. If we were to ask the kids what they liked best about this past year they would probably say: a new baby brother, Ramen Noodles, the van, PBS kids, Tiger, Cutie, and Beautiful Lips (their very patient cats), Family Home Evenings (we often chant our lessons), bonus features on dvds (they are pros at navigating with the remote control), and dates with dad.

So there you have our year in review. Feel free to visit older blog posts to see photos or read about other things we've done this past year. Come back and visit again soon.

Don't try this at home

If you know me well, you won't be surprised by the following revelation from my past...

On one occasion (I was about 9 years old) my stubborn little brain decided it was going to test out something I had seen on TV. Remember that scene in The Christmas Story, when some kid sticks his tongue to a frozen flagpole? I didn't believe that could really happen. To make a long story short, one day I was eager to experiment and climbed up into the freezer. I stuck my tongue to the frosted back wall...YES, it did stick. My mom saw the back end of my body dangling out the door and hollered to get out of the freezer. I yelled something back like, "HEP MMM THUCK!!"
Trying to speak had been a bad idea because as soon as my lips moved, they stuck to the freezer's wall too! In a panic, and fearful of the punishment that was sure to be coming, I didn't think of a rational solution (as in pouring warm water on my lips). I freaked out and RIPPED my face off the icy wall, leaving some of my tongue and lips there on the freezer. Yuck, huh? Needless to say, the following weeks were a little painful, and I remember my ribs starting to protrude a bit because it was hard to eat anything. Hope you can get at least a laugh from my misery.

Now each Christmas when you see the re-run on tv, you can think of me as the stupid kid stuck to the flagpole. They really should have a message flash across the bottom of the screen: "KIDS - DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!!"

Trapped

This morning I headed outside to feed the animals. It was windy and snowing and I was hoping to hurry before I turned into a popsicle. LUCKILY I threw on some warm chore clothes and a hat.

I was in the chicken coop collecting eggs, and suddenly heard the wind slam the door shut- the door's latch on the outside and me still on the inside. Oh crap! I was trapped in the chicken coop with a very territorial rooster and sub-zero temperatures. I began yelling in hopes that someone inside the house would hear me. After that didn't produce results, I resorted to screaming and screeching until I was hoarse and my head was throbbing. Certainly someone would notice I was missing when a bum needed wiping? I began hoping for a Lassie moment with my dog ("run and tell someone to let me out!") but I'm now convinced that stuff only happens in the movies. Again, no results.

Around the 30 minute mark I found the camera in my jacket pocket and took a snapshot of myself (I hadn't started crying yet). That way my family would be able to understand what happened to me in case all they found was a frozen corpse...ha ha! Last resort: disassemble chicken coop from the inside out. My frozen hands barely had the dexterity to rip apart the chicken wire, but my desperation gave me strength. Incredibly I escaped without frostbite or pecked out eyes.

What do I want for Christmas? an emergency exit in the chicken coop!

mini me

Gmas and Gpops - this post is for you :)

Usually I get comments like "he looks so much like his dad"
but for once when he put on this silly hat, I saw myself!!...minus the nappy red hair, of course.

88 Bikes

This is a neat charity. They donate bikes to kids in underprivileged countries.

This year the organization will be visiting Huancayo, Peru where my husband spent a portion of his mission.

Check out their website for cool videos, or to make a donation http://www.88bikes.org/.

Each donation is $88 dollars, the approximate cost of a bike in most developing countries. Each sponsor also provides a photo of their self. Each child is given their bike with a photo of their sponsor. Each sponsor receives a thank-you letter with a photo of the child who received their bike.